BDSM– A Fantasy Around Consent

A common misconception when it comes to BDSM is that it is abusive. However, people who healthily practise BDSM focus their entire sexual act over consent- a lot of preparation and communication goes over a roleplay to make sure the people involved agree with the act. Though it might not look that way, BDSM acts is a healthy way to explore one's interest, and for some, it might even be therapeutic.

BDSM is an umbrella term that is used to describe various aspects of interpersonal power dynamics. Some of them are-

Bondage: Restricting one's freedom of movement, for example, with handcuffs or other restraints

Discipline: Rules and punishments agreed by the partners to exert control

Dominance: The act of showing dominance

Submission: The act of showing submission to the dominant partner's actions and wishes

Sadism and Masochism (or Sadomasochism): Pleasure that a partner may feel from either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism)

Given the wide possibilities of what might be considered as BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community often depends on self-identification. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone, which makes it a gender-neutral, queer, diverse and safe space for people to express themselves.

If a party wishes to participate in a BDSM act, the following points might help make the experience a good one.

1. Consent- Consent is the key to any BDSM act, for the entire act revolves around it. Partners can express their consent either verbally or have it written down. Make sure the consent provided is unambiguous and direct. The participants may decide on a verbal and non-verbal safeword to use during the act.

2. Preparation- Make sure all of the partners are aware of what the act is going to be. The dominant may list out some rules and punishments, the participants may get any accessories. If the act is sexual and the participants do not wish for pregnancy, make sure they use proper protection and that everyone is informed of the same.

3. The act- While you're in the act, be alert for the participants using a safeword, and if they do, terminate the act immediately. Take a break, drink some water, and get back to the fantasy once everyone is back on board.

4. Aftercare- Many believe that aftercare is as important as the act itself. The partners may take care of one another after a scene, including cuddling, drinking a beverage, or talking about their state of mind. It can also include a discussion about what worked, what didn't, and how each partner is feeling. This post-sex debriefing can help protect all participants physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In the end, a BDSM act, like enjoying fiction, is only a form of fantasy- an escape from reality. You might love it, detest it, or simply be willing to try it out. With consent and proper communication, anything is possible.

Reference- BDSM Sex. (2020). WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-bdsm-sex