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"Healthy ho gaye ho" (Translation: "You look healthy")
"Ghar main kuch khaane ko nahi dete?" (Translation: "Does your family not give you food?")
"Kamzor lag rahe ho" (Translation: "You look weak")
"Boht tan ho gaye ho" (Translation: "You look tanned")
I am sure most of us have heard this. More often than not, this is the opening statement of a conversation. But the question is - WHY? When there is so much we can talk about and catch up on, why is this our choice of conversation? This became even more prominent after lockdown when we met everyone after a long time with, of course, changed bodies.
People who are overweight and/or underweight are often brought up differently. They are told to walk, sit and dress a certain way. The way they look becomes the guiding stone of how their life will be. And this isn't a matter of a few months. Often this is ingrained in them since their early childhood days, and most of the time only adds to their insecurities.
I have personally never had faced any such incident, but a person I am close to has. Every conversation related to them somewhere circled back to their weight, their job, their marriage, and their life choices. On multiple occasions, they have been told things that are rude and harsh. How I see it is that it works like a loop. It's not just one particular thing that triggers it, and almost all conversations just simply become about how you look like. That is the thing. We often do not know what's going on in others’ lives and where they are coming from. At times like these especially, commenting unsolicitedly can have a deep and long-lasting impact on people and their health.
Bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa are eating disorders primarily associated with the self-concept of the body. Both disorders, one associated with consuming large amounts of food and the other with practical starvation, are capable of being fatal. Another condition associated with body image is Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). A close friend of mine has had personal experience with the same. Smruti, 24, has personal experience with PCOS.
This is an excerpt of how she pens her experience and thoughts on PCOS and body positivity:
“As somebody that’s been dealing with PCOS, body-positivity is rather a quite sensitive topic for me. Often, conversations about weight loss, in general, can become triggering for me. I feel like people are not literate enough when it comes to conversations about body positivity or PCOS. Especially in a country like ours, we are far from conversations about body positivity. Even if you choose the right group of friends and work environment or even educational institutions, most people including our family members do not understand how to communicate with a person dealing with PCOS or body issues in general. It is so difficult to make people understand that weight issues do not stem from one cause or one definitive factor alone. It took years of self-control and patience for me to learn to turn a deaf ear to people who constantly have unsolicited advice for me on how to lose weight. It is a task when you have to explain to people the whole disorder only for them to then go ahead and dismiss the explanation as an excuse to continue being lazy and eating unhealthily. Honestly, I consider myself pretty privileged to have the resources like social media, friends and co-workers who remind me time and again to love my body and not be dragged down by these social stigmas, and to live my truth and love myself for whoever, and however, I am.”
Being body positive is being happy in your own body, irrespective of its size, shape, colour etc. It is accepting your body as your own and loving it unconditionally. It is when we try to stay fit but for ourselves. But it isn't as easy. Often, unlearning negative things and expectations from our bodies can take a long time and even professional help. But the important part is to take the initiative. Here are a few things you can do as a head-start:
Practice positive affirmations - You can start with practising self-affirmations every morning and/or maintaining a gratitude journal.
Focus on things you like about yourself - We are so much more than our bodies, and our bodies are so much more than our skin and shape. Focus on things that you love about yourself, it can be your beautiful eyes or your amazing artwork!
Surround yourself with positive people - Making the right set of friends and working with the right people who keep you pumped up can go a long way to keep you happy and productive.
Set realistic goals - Inches or kilograms shouldn't be your goal, a healthy lifestyle should be. Even if you are trying to lose/gain inches, it should be to lead a healthier life. Follow goals and diets that you can achieve without causing major disruptions in your life.
Invest time in understanding your body and its needs - Take time to read up about what you are experiencing with your body and to explore your body and its needs. This may be a slow process, but your body deserves all the time and love it can get!
Seek help - Often such experiences can make us feel uncomfortable and/or vulnerable among other emotions. Be open to seeking help. It can either be in the form of talking to a friend/family member or seeking professional help from a counsellor or therapist.
The body positivity movement still has a long way to go. Until we get to a place where people of all sizes and ethnicities can see the movement as a safe space for us to celebrate our bodies and live peacefully, we will still see endless instances of body shaming displayed rampantly. One thing that we can start with is allyship. People who are not facing such issues directly can be a part of the body positivity movement by using voices to uplift their thoughts and opinions on various platforms. This can help deconstruct the negative and harmful narratives created about our bodies by the media and the diet industry.
But change is slowly happening, and we are transitioning to a better world. Brands like Sassy Soda, Eloquii and Girlfriend Collection are making fashion available in all sizes. Even brands like Amazon, Fenty and ASOS are helping fashion of varied sizes reach places. Brands like Marks & Spencer, Woman Within and Gender Free World make fashion inclusive for all genders and colours.
The movement just needs more support and accountability across the world. Maybe it's time we reflect upon what role we play in helping the world reach a place where all bodies are seen as beautiful and equal, and this starts with us.
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