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A lot of how we see the world around us and everything in it is determined by the society we live in. It is common knowledge that in a world so diverse, customs are often in conflict with each other. So, what is looked up to in one culture can be a disrespectful act in another.
The way we see and perceive sex also has to do a lot with our society. This is because it is the society that determines everything, from how we are introduced to sex to our actual expectations from it.
This is one of the key reasons why sex as a subject is dealt with so differently in India as compared to western countries. When we talk about handling of sex as a subject, we mean not only the process itself but thousands of other issues that revolve around it too.
Growing up with the S-word in India
You read it right! It’s the s-word. The taboo around sex in India is so deeply ingrained that people often refrain from using the word in public. Now, when we are too scared to even say the word, how can we expect a healthy conversation around that? Because of this hush hush around the subject, we often tend to miss the deep and long-lasting impact the lack of sex education has on us.
For starters, lack of discussion around sex at home and in schools often leave students at the mercy of the internet. As a beginner, it is very important to understand the process the right way and unrestricted access to content on the internet makes it impossible. When young individuals make such mediums their prime source of knowledge, it sets highly unrealistic expectations.
Apart from this, the internet and movies also play a huge role around the idea of safe sex and consent. Often, sex is shown as something that happens in the heat of the moment. The partners are never shown having a conversation around consent or preferences. But sex in real life isn’t like that. When we get the initial source of knowledge wrong, we get a whole generation living with unrealistic expectations and materialistic needs.
It is quite easy to engage with such websites given the unrestricted access these days, but it is equally hard to get out of them. As a user, you can get addicted to these websites and even develop dependency on it, blurring your concept and idea of safe and actual sex. Further, as a member participating in these activities, it becomes very difficult to leave even if you wish to. Individuals who try to quit the industry often have to deal with blackmail, extortion, defamation etc.
Another impact that this content has is that people often don't realize that these acts are being performed by professionals. Thus, most scenarios cannot be replicated in real life. On top of this, such content can be treated as a source to understand sex - which is far from ideal. Lastly, the aforementioned activities have an unhealthy attitude around sex. Apart from treating the word itself as a taboo, people take offence on anything related to it. This can range from getting an STD check-up done to even using protection.
How does unsafe sex impact our health?
When we talk about the consequences of not having safe sex, it is a lot of things. From getting STDs to getting unwanted pregnancies, unsafe sex has a long list of consequences. Apart from these direct consequences, there are other challenges that we face from the legal and social perspective.
As a country, we do not have strong laws in favor of abortion. This is the reason why a lot of women have to put in the unregulated amounts of money in order to get aborted. Apart from this, the supply of abortion pills and medication is also in dire need of regulation. All this, conveniently, takes away from pregnant individuals the autonomy of their own body. Along with this, abortion is a subject that not a lot of individuals can discuss at home as it is seen as shameful. Thus, pregnant individuals often have to go through the physical and mental strain of the process alone.
Relearning all things around sex
We know that it becomes difficult to unlearn all the wrong things we have learnt about sex in school, but it is important that we do that. However, only unlearning isn’t enough. We need to relearn the right idea of sex and all things around it.
So, how can you start the relearning process?
Get the basics right - From reading up about and talking to someone to watching videos and documentaries around it and its aspects. The sources of knowledge on this topic are infinite. What matters is that we get our sources right (and those sources definitely do not include pornographic magazines and videos)
Realize it’s never too late - There is no ‘right age’ to start the relearning process. We all start at different ages. Realize that the only important factor here is that you start.
Communicate - Communication is the key to having safe and satisfying sex. Talk to your partner about what you like and what you don’t like. You should also discuss protection and check-ups prior to indulging in sex.
Explore - Exploring is a big part of sex. Here we mean not only exploring yourself and your partner but also the variety of options available to both of you.
Do not self-blame - One of the biggest mistakes people do after unlearning is self-blame. Do not be harsh on yourself. Realize that most of us have made this mistake, and that you have now chosen the right path by choosing to relearn.
Unlearn - Because how the taboo is drilled in most of our minds too, its natural to have a negative thought when someone talks about this. While it is important that we do not self-blame, it is also important that we do not blame and judge others who choose to open up about their sexual experiences.
Sex is a complex process when we are starting out, but it does not always have to be like that. Having said that, sex is also not the fairytale we may think it is. It is a process. We must try to educate ourselves about safe sex. It is important that along with making it safe, we must make it something that we enjoy. It is okay if you are taking some time to open up to sex and the things that surround it, as long as it is going in the right direction. So let’s try to relearn all about safe sex, one day at a time!
This was a much needed, informative piece. We hear so much about sex education and it's importance every single day but this perspective about unlearning is such an important message. Love the fact that the article also covers abortion and it's legal aspect in the country.